so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
