like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
