Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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