Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
