I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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