there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
