How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The air was thick with penises
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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