nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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