every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
