I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
