Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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