considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
