apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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