My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
