also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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