My balls are so social today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
