are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
