3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
my liver is dry heaving
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
