So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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