it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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