I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
