Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
