hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
