im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize