I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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