I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
