Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
