I just pynch a tree in the face
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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