The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
