I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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