She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
