The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
