I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
