i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
