All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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