you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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