he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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