and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We won't sleep together?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
