is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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