I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
