just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
