so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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