I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
