Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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