You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize