I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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