Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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