im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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