you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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