dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
