New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
