ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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