Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
