He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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