If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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